Faith Means Letting Go

Owl's Song

2008-09-21T06:26:00.000-07:00

has an awesome post on the nature of marriage this morning.

Marriage is, by its nature, two people in a relationship. TWO people. One cannot carry the burden for both, no matter how much they want the marriage to succeed. We cannot love enough, lead enough, or submit enough to make it happen.

I love it!

Father

2008-09-19T17:43:00.000-07:00

For me, there is a certain amount of trust in the word father. This isn't to say that my dad has never let me down or broken a promise. But (to my knowledge) it's never been through anything more selfish than absent-mindedness. And I can't complain too much about that, since I'm rather heavily burdened with it myself!

I know that if I ever had serious problems, my dad would do what he could to help me out. No matter what.

It wouldn't necessarily mean bailing me out. But he'd try to help me pull through.

I love my dad. Sometimes he gets down on himself, and I don't like that. He's smart, but sometimes he has trouble expressing precisely what he means, and from his comments from time to time I get the idea that he doesn't think he's smart. (Mom and I are both pretty verbal!)

He's also really easy-going most of the time. "Passive" tends to have a negative connotation; maybe "patient" would be a better term for it. On the other hand, he doesn't like waiting! (Though, in fairness, who does?!) But my point is that his way of showing love is much more quiet than my mom's. She's very active. He just - is.

Sometimes he gets grumpy, and he can be a bit of a bear! He gets frustrated when things don't go the way he wanted them to, and especially when he feels like he's being interrupted or actively ignored.

When I think about my attitude toward my dad, I can see that my attitude toward God parallels it in a lot of ways. I don't go to God a lot in prayer. We don't chat. But I try to keep an ear to the ground. If things don't go as I planned, I try to think about why. Is it just an awkward situation, or is it God's guidance?

Likewise, I've lost my tension about doctrine and believing the right thing. I don't understand how or why salvation works; I just trust that it does. I'm more concerned about modeling "Be Kind No Matter What" for my students. I figure that God knows what to do and can take care of things. I'm okay with that. If I've got a particular part to play, God'll let me know. (And if I don't get the message the first time, I expect He'll just be a bit louder the next.)

I love my dad.

God

2008-09-10T18:40:00.000-07:00

Okay, so no picture. I mean, God isn't a starry sky or an old man, which is what I mostly get from googling for an image.

Well, anyway, I find it interesting that when lay Christians talk about God, they typically mean God the Father. Jesus and the Holy Spirit are just kind of... also God. But God the Father is the "real" God. Almost like he's the boss and they're the underlings.

I think the Apostle's Creed is a major cause of this. The divinity of two-thirds of the triune God is not stated in the creed. And while I think a lot of Christians don't know the creed by heart, I also think it's kind of "gone underground" and is a part of our cultural psyche. The Apostle's Creed illustrates the way we think about God on a subconscious level.

Also? Capitalizing the "g" in "God" is important. Some people say we oughta capitalize all pronouns that refer to one of the persons of the Trinity (oo! There's another one!) but I'm not all that careful about it.

We use the capital letter to show that "God" is a name, not just a word; by changing a word into a name, we make the word itself special and restrict its use. No longer can it be one among many. It personalizes it. Our dog's nickname is Puppy (never mind that he's, like, ten). Making the word "puppy" into a name means he is OUR puppy - and the only one.

I still feel awkward calling my in-laws "Mom" and "Dad". There are many moms and dads in the world, but that's how I refer to my parents; those words have taken on a special significance since I use them as names.

Believe

2008-09-09T16:27:00.000-07:00

I love this image, because I think it illustrates what so many people today do believe: that we can't believe anything - not really. We are hyper-aware of the limitations of our perception, most of us because we have more than once believed in a lie and later found out how foolish we were.

For a Christian, though, belief is more than just mental acceptance of a principle. Belief guides action (or it should). Now in some cases, it doesn't have to. For example, in my life, it really doesn't matter whether or I believe Earth is flat or round. It doesn't affect what I do or how I interact with others.

But a belief like "all humans have value to God" does - or should - affect the way I live. If every person has value to God, how should that affect the way I treat them? The way I think of them? Is it right of me to say nasty things about someone who cut me off in traffic? or about a political candidate? or, well, anyone, for that matter?

Even in fiction, we are encouraged to see the value of human life as relative. I mean, everybody knows you can't shoot James Bond and expect to get away with it, right? Good guys struggle through challenges and get the girl. Bad guys laugh at the suffering of others, give expository monologues, and perish in interesting ways.

Sometimes I think the stories we tell affect the way we view our lives. Or, maybe, it's the other way around; we tell stories in terms of "good guys" and "bad guys" because we already have a tendency to see things in terms of "us" and "them." Either way, I don't think that's God's perspective on the matter.

As Walter Donovan says to Indy (just after shooting ~~James Bond~~ Henry Jones), "It's time to ask yourself - what do you believe?"

We need to ask ourselves the same thing. And we need to follow that question with another: do our actions prove that we believe what we say we believe?

Images thanks to http://www.luxor.com/entertainment/entertainment_believe.aspx and http://jpsgranville100favefilms.blogspot.com/2008/05/indiana-jones-and-last-crusade-1989.html

The Is (eyes? ayes?) Have It

2008-09-08T16:19:00.000-07:00

I always find creeds, like the Apostles' Creed, the Pledge to the American Flag, the various scouting mottos ("and to OBEY the LAW of the PACK!" hee!) and other created statements of belief to be intriguing.

You see, so often, we say them together. In unison. They are a statement of corporate belief. They list what we believe.

And yet, without any excpetions that I know of (although I'm sure there are some), they start off with "I."

Why is this, I wonder? I'd like to think that it's a way of showing respect for the individual. After all, we're choosing to subsume that individuality and coalesce with a group just by reciting the group's creed.

As individuals, we're affirming our personal choice to be a member of that group.

So while as a church we believe the statements of the Apostles' Creed, that in and of itself is not enough. Each of us must make that choice on our own. Each of us bears the responsibiltiy for that choice.

What will your choice be?

I -

I believe!

Image thanks to http://flickr.com/photos/35744138@N00/925335248/

Apostles Creed Wiki

2008-09-07T12:54:00.000-07:00

So I've been inspired by a post over at McKinney Methodist, in which Matt linked each of the significant words to its entry in Wikipedia.

However, when I saw the post, I first thought that each link led to another blogpost about that word and what it means from a Christian perspective - specifically, that blogger's reflections on the word.

So, since it looks like it hasn't been done, I'm going to try to do it.

If nothing else, at least I can't say I've got nothing to blog about! XD

Image thanks to http://blog.mrm.org/2007/09/abominable-creed/

Going to church

2008-08-17T13:10:00.000-07:00

First of all, please don't think I'm smarting off or being glib about this. It's something I've struggled with for awhile.

My husband and I haven't been to church for most of the summer. Today we went for Sunday School, but we didn't stay for corporate worship. And I'm pretty conflicted about it. I feel like the reasons I have both for wanting to go and wanting NOT to go are weak, and if you push those weak reasons aside, I'm not sure what's left.

Reasons to go:
- People expect it (especially here in the South)
- To humor the pastor (we like him, and he did make a point of inviting us personally today)
- Scripture expects it (we're not sure on this one)

Reasons not to go:
- We gain nothing (as far as I can tell - no learning, no fellowship, no strength)
- Our presence there benefits no one (beyond them being glad we're there because we're supposed to be!)
- I feel like I'm facilitating bad habits. Is this worship? Are you kidding me?? We come because we're supposed to or because we're used to it. We sit in the seats we're used to. We sing the songs we're told to. We listen attentively to the choir's anthem, but we don't clap because it's not a performance (though if it's not, I'm not sure what it is). We listen to a message that the pastor has worked so hard on, but because of the way the gathering is structured, we can't participate or respond beyond shaking his hand on the way out and saying "nice sermon, Pastor," and so it's SO EASY to let our minds wander...

Please, God, save us from ourselves. (I really didn't intend to rant. Yikes.)

And this is a church we LIKE! Our pastor is awesome. The people are so kind. I love the Methodist hymns (though some of the newer ones feel... weird). I even love our follow-along-in-the-book things. (What are those called?) In fact, possibly the reason I feel so conflicted is that I really believe the promise I made to support the local congregation (although I didn't make the promise at this church and I haven't yet transferred my membership, this has become our local congregation, just not officlaly) with my prayers, my presence, my gifts, and my service.

I want to want to go. The times we've stayed for corporate worship, it's felt like wasted time - not harmful to us, perhaps, but not the best use of our resources. And I'm not sure what to do. I know that church can be more than this. But I'm not sure what I can do to help at this church. On the other hand, we've really connected with some of these people, and I don't want to just leave them behind and go looking somewhere else.

I just don't know what to do.

Image thanks to http://www.saintmarymagdalene.org.uk/

Evangelistic Prayer

2008-07-27T06:09:00.000-07:00

Over at Toward a Godward Passion, Phil Siefkes has posted (is posting?) a series of entries about evangelistic prayer, in response to questions that arose as the group was looking at the book of Acts.

I like Pastor Siefkes's blog; his style is conversational, but thoughtful rather than blathery (as so many blogs - including mine, I often fear - tend to be). As a result, I don't have much difficulty reading his posts, even though it's clear that he's well-read and well-studied. And perhaps most importantly, he is always kind and respectful, even when I disagree with him.

He makes a very insightful point: that in Scripture, we find evangelistic prayer directed at not the unbeliever, but at the believer - that is to say, the evangelist (Acts 4:29, among other examples). I'm not going to go into more detail on that point here, because he has already put things very neatly, so you can just follow the link!

This leads into something I've struggled with for a long time: how do we handle intercessory prayer? Why do we request for someone else to be physically healed, when in the case of spiritual healing (saving faith), we are simply to present the message and not in this case to request God to take action?

I expect this is something I will continue to puzzle over. I trust that God knows my heart in either case, and I hope I will be able to find and follow his direction in the situations I encounter.

Image from http://tweetymom.wordpress.com/2008/03/25/prayer/

2008-07-25T08:35:00.000-07:00

Okay, since I'm somewhat weak on photos here, I thought I'd respond to this week's LJ friday five in pictures!

What type of hair do you have? (Thin, Normal, Thick, Frizzy, etc.) Thick. Very, very thick. When I double it over in a ponytail to keep it off my neck, it's as thick as my wrist.
What color is your hair currently? Almost exactly this shade, to be honest! If I'm outside in the afternoon or evening, it sometimes takes on a faint reddish tint.

What colors have you dyed/highlighted your hair? Nothing too drastic. I've never used permanent dyes, and the further you go from your natural hair color, the more likely it is to look wig-like. And I'm fickle, so I wouldn't want something I'd be stuck with after I got tired of it.

If you could dye your hair any color, what would it be? The year I went to Comic-Con International in San Diego, I met a girl who had this FANTASTIC shade of turquoise hair. Hugely vibrant - deeper than this, actually, but I wanted to show something that looked, well, like hair!

What is your hair's length? [sic] It's now about shoulder length. I usually don't get it cut until it gets really long - say every few years. I know, I know, the hairstylists who read that will come after me...

I'm not too worried. ;)

Read more Friday Five entries at the main page!

Response to "An Open Letter"

2008-07-24T04:38:00.001-07:00

Over at Suzanne's Bookshelf, Suzanne linked to a post by Mike Seaver in which he invites egalitarians to answer questions on a number of practical issues.

Since I have had no theological training at all - unless you count Bible study or Sunday School - I am delighted to be able (to attempt) to respond. While "the theological debate is more important than the practical debate in the arguments of the complementarianism vs. egalitarianism," it is, for the most part, beyond my ability to discuss with any level of comfort.

1. If the Titanic accident were to happen again, would you desire 50% of the seats on the life boats to be left for men? I would prefer that the seats on the life boats be reserved first for children, second for the infirm. If there were any left, those seats should be given to the elderly. Gender should not play a role.

2. If there is a robber who just broke into your house and you are married with children, would you want the man to go downstairs or the woman or would this be done depending on who had done it last time? Hm. Actually, I would rather NOBODY went downstairs. I'd want to make sure that we found something inconspicuous to wedge the children's doors closed, and then go back to our room and bar our own door. The stuff in the house is just stuff. And while I would be willing to go do it, I think it would upset/frustrate/annoy the husband if I didn't let him Be The Man (see #7).

3. Would an egalitarian woman be offended at a man holding the door for her? Offended? Some might be; I'm not. However, if he had his arms full and I didn't - or if he RUSHED past me to get to the door first so that he could open it - I would think he was an obnoxious idiot. It's kind of like being a Lutheran and having a Baptist attempt to "save" you (or vice versa): Awkward, uncomfortable, and annoying, but you know they mean well.

4. Do egalitarian parents allow their boys to play rough with the girls just like the boys play rough with other boys? Well, that depends on whether or not the other player wants to play that way. But it would be the same for either girl or boy: consider what the other person wants as well as what you want.

5. Do egalitarian parents train their boys that it is okay for them to be "stay at home dads?" If so, does a lot of domestic training happen for these boys? We don't have any children yet, but if we ever do, my husband will BE a stay-at-home dad, so we may have to make a point of saying it's okay for girls to do that too! As far as training - definitely. It's called chores! ;)

6. Do you feel that women boxers should be allowed to fight in the ring with men? Allowed? Yes... but I doubt that in most cases it would make for the best match.

7. Do egalitarian women desire to be protected by their guy (boyfriend, husband, father, etc.) or would they prefer to protect themselves? I desire to protect my husband slightly more than I desire his protection. However, I know that he VERY strongly prefers to protect me, and I love him, so I try to let him Be The Man.

8. Does an egalitarian female "pastor" get a maternity leave from her preaching responsibilities? Oo, good question. I wouldn't think it would be necessary, TBH - not past any health concerns, which would be similar to a male "pastor" having heart surgery. In fact, I bet the congregants would be delighted to see her bringing the baby to work with her. Or her husband could care for the child during her work hours.

9. Does an egalitarian female "pastor" counsel men about pornography? No more than a male "pastor" should counsel women about sexual issues.

10. Do egalitarian pastoral staffs go on pastoral retreats together? If so, how does that work with having guys and girls together? Do the spouses feel strange about this? I don't know. I've never heard of a retreat where it was a requirement that everyone sleep together, so I don't see an issue with it. I could see a lone male or female being uncomfortable if everyone else was of the other sex, but other than that, as long as there are separate sleeping accommodations, it should be fine.

Actually - our English department did this last year. We've got one guy in the department, and I do think he feels ... maybe not left out, but very aware of being different, sometimes. His wife came to the conference with him, and they roomed together.

My husband and I were both raised in families in which dad worked and mom stayed at home. I don't think of my parents as women's rights advocates. I don't recall much "submission theology" in church; I guess it didn't seem to be an issue. And yet it never occurred to me that women could not - or should not - be leaders chosen by God.

Friday Five: I'll Drink to That!

2008-07-11T07:44:00.000-07:00

So technically, these were from LAST Friday, but since I wasn't around and the new questions aren't around, I figured I'd give this one a go.

1. What drink wakes you up best in the morning? I usually have a diet cola. I like the sweet, sugary taste, and I don't like to burn my mouth on coffee.

2. During the day, what do you drink to keep going? Juice, milk, soda, or water. I particularly enjoy mixing juice and diet lemon-lime soda.

3. Do you drink the recommended 8 glasses of water per day? Why/why not? Nope. I don't enjoy water THAT much, and I don't think it's all that important. I try to remember to drink water when I feel thirsty or when my lips feel dry.

4. What are the ingredients of your favorite mixed drink? (Doesn't have to be alcoholic!) Oo, I loooove amaretto sours. But they're expensive and I'm cheap. ;)

5. Are you a coffee drinker? How do you take your coffee, if so? Not often. Cream and sugar, please. It works kind of like hot chocolate. And I like to let it unboil before drinking.

Read more responses here!

Friday Five: Who?

2008-06-13T13:37:00.000-07:00

Who gave you your last balloon, and what was the occasion? Probably my mommy. I think I got one for my birthday last year. This year my bouquet had candy instead of the balloon... I think I traded up! XD

Who gave you your last scolding, and what was it for? You know, I don't think I got scolded once when I was visiting home! Oh - no - wait. A friend of mine said, "How come you moved and didn't tell me?" I'm like, I've been away from home for YEARS! Oh - no - wait - we DID buy a house. (Oops.)

Who gave you your last attaboy, and why? Considering that I'm a girl, I don't kow that I've ever had an actual attaboy, but the last time I was praised was ... well, congratulated might be more like it ... by the members of my Sunday school class back home

Who gave you your last haircut? The chick who was working at Fantastic Sam's.

Who gave you your last massage? My mommy. Usually I get my massages from The Incredible Hunk, to whom I am so fortunate to be married, but alas! he is away. But I get to see him TOMORROW! *squee*

Read others' responses here!

About This Blog

2008-06-09T17:08:00.000-07:00

I tend to forget things, and that's a major part - perhaps the major part - of why I blog. There are so many people out there saying things that make me think! And sometimes I'm reading what someone's written about a particular issue, and a thought sort of nibbles at a corner of my mind, and it seems somehow familiar, like I've pondered it before. Only I don't know when or why.
So, please forgive me if I bore you, or if I don't make sense. Mostly, this is going to be a place for me to keep record of my own ponderings. I'm rather opinionated, but not well studied AT ALL, I'm afraid - at least, not beyond the help of the public library, Sunday school classes and the church library, and the reading I do online. I'd love to learn Greek and Hebrew, but it's been very hard to do that on my own; I'm not relentlessly driven to it the way I am to teaching.

The title, Faith Means Letting Go, touches on both my general outlook toward spirituality in general and Christianity in paricular as well as a specific issue I'm struggling with at the moment. (That's a topic for another post, though.)

Several years ago, I was wrestling with the question of free will and determinism. I had just moved to a new town, and in meeting the pastor at the Methodist church there, I mentioned my uncertainty. I don't think he knew what he was in for when he invited me over for dinner and a Q&A session. In my defense, though, neither did I!

During the course of the discussion, I mentioned that I didn't see why determinists were so hung up on the duality of irresistible grace or "earning" your salvation with your own choice. Couldn't God give everybody just enough grace to get past the sin nature, enough for each person to make a viable choice without being forced?

Well, apparently that ties in to the not-exclusively Wesleyan idea of prevenient grace. Which is like one of the Big Important Doctrines of Methodism that makes it different from Lutheran or Baptist doctrine.

At first I was relieved. I'm not crazy! I'm not the only one who's tried to puzzle through this! Then I was kind of ... I don't know... validated, maybe? You know - Oo. Hey. I really AM a Methodist, and not just because I go to church there!

Then I was a little annoyed. I mean, here I'd been blindly hacking my way through a theological jungle, and somebody else had cut a path two yards to the west! Like... hundreds of YEARS ago! All that heavy thinking was kind of like running on a treadmill - it was probably good for me, but it didn't get me anywhere new.

Finally, though, I felt... lighter. All these really smart people had already thought through this stuff and they hadn't figured everything out either. I mean, it wasn't like I thought for a moment that somehow I would be the one to arrive at some secret insight that would make everything clear. But for the first time I was okay with not getting it. I didn't feel like I was lacking something. I felt...

I felt free!

I still like puzzling through ideas about God and how he works. But instead of the not-knowing being something that keeps me from God, it's more like a puzzle that I can share with God, one that he's already mastered. Heck, one that he MADE. I can see it now... I'm sitting on the floor, and he's watching from the armchair:

I can't get this stupid piece to FIT here!

I can see that. Have you checked any of the other pieces?

YES. ... Well ... like three of them...
(Pout.)
Can't you just DO IT FOR ME?

I could. Is that what you'd like?

... no.
I just want it to be EASY!

Mm. Just wait'll you get to the next one.

... !

Since that time, I've been much more at peace - at least spiritually speaking! I don't know that I can give an accurate defense for any particular theological issue - including whether or not I'm saved, even. But it doesn't bother me so much. God knows what he's doing, and for now, that's enough for me.

And so it begins... (well, sorta)

2008-05-14T17:20:00.000-07:00

I'm probably going to play around with layouts and stuff before I start posting. Maybe I'll put some lorum ipsums in here so that I can see how the changes affect the way the posts look. For now, this is enough.